An Early Valentine

I am in love. I am so in love that I’m alternating between gushing, having the loss of speech, and sobbing uncontrollably. And I never ever expected this to happen to me, here, now and at this time in my life.

I am currently visiting New York City, attending a conference where I am privileged to learn from some of the most famous people in my field, and have the opportunity to talk with them, get to know them, and ask them questions. (I was a tour guide for the NYC subway for one of them yesterday!) During the conference, I have already been moved to tears, inspired, and made more courageous through their teachings. And that is a inspiring gift, but it is not why I am so unabashedly in love.

Let me digress. I have been a professional educator for 23 years. 23 years equal a lot of young lives that I have tried to mentor, to teach, to make myself obsolescent by offering them everything I know; I so want them to be able to continue and thrive in their professional lives.

Some days (years) I am better at this than others. I am not perfection by any means. I often feel I am teaching in a vacuum. I often fail when I most want to inspire.

I have now taught for long enough that I have many former students who have careers in New York City, many of them thriving. But I only visit New York every few years, and do not always see my former students, depending on my schedule. This past year I joined Facebook, which has given me the wonderful opportunity to communicate with many of them and keep abreast of their lives. But I rarely have face to face meetings with them.

Last night I watched while a former student opened his own theater company in mid-town Manhattan and produced their first performance. My former student, LDT, had left my tutelage a very attractive and talented man. But I wasn’t prepared for what I saw last night: I saw a blockbuster professional performer with a voice from the gods and the acting ability of a seasoned professional. I immediately burst into uncontrollable sobs of pride for his growth and accomplishments. I cried unabashedly for half an hour, long into the reception after the show.

I am single and have no children. He is one of my progeny.

Today I had lunch with SD, a former student who has lived in the city for years, and is questioning the direction of her life. We talked of career, and passion, and love, and choices, and learning to let go. I don’t know what she’ll decide to do in her third decade, but I know that she will follow her heart, her soul, and her original voice. That is what I tried to teach her to do. I will be proud of her no matter what the outcome, because I have no doubt she will be true to her inner voice and will succeed.

Tonight I had dinner with DS and KR, two of my students from my early years of teaching, both of whom are VERY successful in their chosen fields. They are also wives and mothers. We laughed, ate tapas, told stories, drank cocktails, shared secrets, elaborated long lost angers, and generally, had a complete love fest of mutual admiration. We were fully human, fully ourselves, fully fascinating, and fully grateful for all the gifts our lives had generated. I love these women. They are also my progeny. As I walked one of them to her bus in Penn Station she kept protesting that it wasn’t necessary for me to do so—she was a seasoned New Yorker. But is WAS necessary. She is one of my children forever. I fostered and loved her, gave her what wisdom I had, and she succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. I love her. I know that she will carry my teaching forward. And this soothes me, as I have no children to relay what wisdom I have to offer. My students are my progeny.

And this is just the beginning. Every night this week I’m meeting with former students from my two decades of teaching. I write this with tears running down my face. I am so grateful to them for their trust, and their willingness to take the leap of faith into the unknown to learn something new. I am so proud of what they have done with their lives, whether they have thrived in their original chosen procession, or moved on to something else. I want them to know that they make me so proud. Whatever they choose to do with their lives, I trust they will make their choices with passion, love, courage, and with no regret. This is what I hoped to teach them.

How could I not be in love with them? I am overwhelmed with gratefulness that they aceepted me into their lives and took what I had to offer.

Traveling mercies, my progeny. My love follows you wherever you go.